My Relationship with Depression

They say it’s time for us to break up

For good this time

None of this playing games

But they don’t get

How much I need you

We’ve been together for so many years

I don’t even know who I am

Apart from you

I’ll admit it

You’ve been hard on me

You’re mean

You say nasty things about me

And sometimes I believe them

You’re miserable to be with

But where else would I go?

You’re the one who’s always been there

Sitting with me in the darkness

You’ve given me ways to cope—

Albeit unhealthy ways

You’ve reminded me

That I only have to live a little bit longer

And then I can rest

I know we’re dysfunctional

I know I should leave

But I don’t know how

Where would I go?

How can I separate myself

When we’ve become one?

Do I stay with my miserable partner

Or leave and be alone?

Life is not a Destination

When I was in college, I was anxious to graduate because I felt like I was supposed to graduate by 22 or at least 23. That just seemed to be when everyone graduated, so I felt like something was wrong with me if it took me longer to finish school. I ended up taking 6 years to finish college and graduating at 24. That may not be the norm, but I know that with everything going on in my life, I was doing good to graduate at all!

Going to Liberty, Ring by Spring was another "deadline" I missed. Not only did I not get engaged by the spring of my senior year; I hadn't even had a boyfriend! Why do we feel like we have to be engaged at 22, married at 23, and have kids by 25? (I'm making up the numbers, but you get the point.) It's great for people who fit this timeline, but what about the rest of us? Have we failed?

Now that I've graduated, the expectation is for me to work 40 hours a week. But I have health problems, so I only have the energy to work part-time.

I was a Global Studies major, and in my major there was a lot of pressure on us to move overseas soon after we graduated. And that is what I wanted to do. I had dreamed of living overseas for years. But now, between physical and mental health problems, I can't live overseas for now.

Why do we put these expectations on ourselves? Will we really be happy when we arrive at the destination of graduation, marriage, etc.? We have our whole lives to live. Let's slow down and enjoy the journey. We'll get there when we get there.