A Strange Christmas

Christmas 2011--Decorating the tree . . . sort of ;)

I knew this Christmas would not be “normal.” Christmas has not been normal for the past three years. (But what is a “normal” Christmas, anyway?!)

When I was a kid and my family lived in North Carolina, we always stayed home for Christmas. My parents, my brother and I ate breakfast and then opened presents around the Christmas tree. Later we would go to my grandparents’ house and have Christmas dinner. Sometimes my aunt, uncle, and cousins from Tennessee would come too. When my family moved to Virginia in 2006, our Christmas was similar, except that Christmas day was normally spent with just my immediate family. 

Nana and Grandfather's house--Dec. 2012

In the beginning of December, 2012 my Nana passed away, about a week after she had a stroke. She was 91. I know that she is with Jesus and is no longer suffering, but I obviously still miss her! Christmas in 2012 was the hardest because my Nana had just passed away a couple weeks before. We spent Christmas in NC with my grandfather. 

I miss picking out Christmas presents for Nana...she was always the easiest person to buy for because she liked pretty much anything I got her! 

Me and Nana--a looong time ago ;)

This year my grandfather is 95. I thought we might be spending this Christmas at the hospital because grandfather was having some major health problems, but he got out of the hospital a couple days before Christmas. My family opened presents on Christmas Eve, went to our church’s Christmas Eve service, and drove to NC on Christmas morning. We visited my grandfather and had Christmas dinner with him and read the Christmas story. 

Drive to NC on Christmas morning

Squished in the car with Mandy :)

In some ways, it may not have been the “ideal” Christmas. But it was good. A fun, “normal” Christmas is nice, but it doesn’t guarantee happiness. I’m learning to be okay with strange Christmases... and strange holidays in general!   

Why?

The meaning of Christmas is still the same. God became human in Jesus. Jesus came. He was born. He lived. He died. He rose to life. He returned to heaven, where He rules forever.

Jesus is with us, always, wherever we are. He will never leave us. He is faithful. Jesus brings hope. 

“She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins. All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: ‘The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him ‘Immanuel’—which means, ‘God with us.’” Matthew 1:21-23 

The Overcomer

Friends talk and laugh

Scattered in clusters

Happiness

She floats above them

Sees herself standing with her friends

Together

Invisible

Alone

She watches herself fake a smile

Force a laugh

She used to feel alive

Forever ago

Seems like another lifetime

A life when the sun shone

Her friends loved her

Life had meaning

Now breathing is mechanical

Her heart beats slowly

She forces her feet to move

Step. Step.

Days blend together

Each one the same

Her mind is chained

Eyes blinded by darkness

She’s suffocating from pain

When will this end?

When will she feel?

When will she see?

She holds the pills, throws them out

Takes the rope, puts it down

Grasps the knife, puts it away

You call her selfish

You call her weak

You call her a quitter

But she is the courageous

She is the misunderstood

She is the strong

She is the growing

Her heart is still beating

Her lungs are still breathing

She’ll climb out of bed

Once again

She’ll walk out the door

Another chance

She’ll watch the sun rise

Another day

She’s still alive

She is the overcomer

Keep Living, and Someday You'll Feel Alive

Last night I was walking back from the library to my dorm and I realized something. I feel alive. The cool wind was blowing hard, blowing my hair in my face. I looked up at the stars glowing in the dark sky. The dying oak leaves were still holding onto the tree, rustling in the wind. The God who made the powerful wind loves me. The God who put the stars in the sky chose me. 

The same is true for you.  

Depression can leave you feeling dead, emotionless. Or void of any feelings but hurt and sadness. But keep on. Don’t give up! Keep living, and someday you’ll feel alive.