You See, I See: Perspectives on Depression

(Written Dec. 2014)

You see... I’m behind on homework

I see... I’m still in school

You see... I didn’t write my paper

I see... I also didn’t cut myself

You see... I skipped class again

I see... I spent time with a friend

You see... I’m underweight

I see... I ate something

You see... I stayed in bed all day

I see... I didn’t kill myself

You see... I’m always sick

I see... I’m trying my hardest

You see... I don’t have an ‘A’

I see... I haven’t given up

You see... I’m being unsocial

I see... I made myself leave my room

You see... my room is a mess

I see... Sometimes survival is a higher priority than cleanliness

You see... I have to take medicine                 

I see... I haven’t overdosed

You see... I don’t have a job

I see... I’m not in the hospital

You see... I work slowly

I see... I try to do a good job

You see... I missed church

I see... I’m growing

The Longing

You said, “Follow me.”

I said, “I’ll follow You.”

You said, “It will cost you everything.”

I said, “You’re all I want. You are my life.”

But that was then

And this is now

And I don’t know

If you’re enough       

I ask, If you are all I need

Why do I long for something more?

If You’re the One who heals

Then why this gaping wound?

If you’re the All-Sufficient One

Then why this ever-growing void?

If you really love me

Why won’t you give me what I need

Or else take away this longing

So I can finally have some peace?

But now, it seems, I must decide

Who I will love and trust

You, Your Word and ways

Or myself and my desires

I either follow You

Ignore my heart

Shut out the longing

Plug my ears as it screams to me

Or I give in

Follow my heart

Fulfill desires

Shut You out

And lock the door

But lovingly You warn me

And I know

My heart’s deceitful

But You are Truth

My way will enslave me

In the end, it brings me death

When it seems

You’re holding me back from life

It’s then that You’re saving my life

The very thing that promises

To fill my heart

Would leave me broken, bleeding

Lifeless, disillusioned

But for every longing

You are enough

And so for this longing

You are enough

You are my Shepherd

I shall not want