If You Only Knew

Although the topic is different, I got some ideas/inspiration for this poem from my friend Mandy Moore's poems, particularly Her Only Choice and Speak Up Sweet Child.

The point of this poem is that we shouldn't judge others because we have no idea what they're going through. That's not to say that sin is okay or that it should be encouraged. 

If you only knew

That this was not her choice

If you only knew 

Maybe you’d give her back her voice

If you could only spend

A few moments in her mind

Maybe you would stop

Before judging her this time

If you only knew

What she had missed when she was young

Maybe you would understand

Just how this all begun

If you could feel the boulder

Hanging from her heart

Maybe you would stop

Before tearing her apart

If you only knew

Struggle isn’t always sin

Maybe you would help her fight

And tell her she can win

If you only knew

That Jesus was a friend sinners

You might also be her friend

Instead of judging her a sinner

If you could only feel

Everything she felt

Maybe you would shut your mouth

Instead of saying, “Burn in Hell”

If you only knew 

That this was causing her to bleed

Maybe you would try to be

The friend she really needs

If you knew the guilt and shame

She carries every day

Maybe you would carry her

And not just turn away

If you only knew

That her time is running out

You would show her she is needed

Instead of causing her to doubt

If you only knew

Just how much she wants to live

You would step outside yourself

And to her freedom, give

If you only knew

That all she really wants is love

You would show her she is cherished

And washed with Jesus’ blood 

If you only knew 

That she is one of us

You would treat her like a treasure

Instead of trampling her like dust

Why Cutting Doesn't Work

This is what God has been teaching me, and I've been slowly learning to accept, over the past several years. I know that cutting/self-injury is an addiction, and it can take a while for the truth to go from your head to your heart. 
________
Note--I'm not trying to leave out people who have self-injured in ways besides cutting. But I'm focusing more on cutting here because that's the main way that I've self-injured. I also realize that there are many people who are in tons of pain, who deal with it in different--often healthier--ways than self-injury.
________

There are lots of different reasons people self-injure--to feel something besides emotional pain, to numb the pain, to punish themselves, as an escape, a way to deal with stress, a way to feel in control, a way to cope with abuse . . . the list goes on. For me, cutting has been a way to deal with depression and to express the pain I feel. It seems to take the emotions and everything on the inside that is hard to express, and take it to the outside where it seems more manageable--at least temporarily.

Several years ago I saw a picture of a girl who had cut a pattern down her arm--from her shoulder to her wrist. There was something sickly interesting and intriguing about that picture. I was kind of jealous that I didn't have the guts to do that.

Sometimes I've felt so much pain (or shame, or whatever) that I've wished I could cut all over my body--at least my arms and legs. I've wanted to let the pain and sin and shame and depression and everything on the inside, out. But it hurts too much, and I've (fortunately!) never gone that far. But how much would I have to cut to fully express my pain? Sometimes I have thought that the only way I could hurt myself enough would be to kill myself. I can relate so much to a quote from the book Cut (Mercy For Series) by Nancy Alcorn:

"I became frustrated because there was nothing I could do to physically hurt myself enough to compensate for the pain I felt inside . . . I realized I could not cut enough to make the pain go away." (Pg. 65-66)

When I was at the Good Friday Service at my church yesterday, I was thinking about how, when Jesus was crucified, He bled so much. His arms, his legs, his whole body, was covered in cuts and wounds.

Shedding my blood DOESN'T REALLY WORK. But that's okay--even good--because JESUS BLED FOR ME. I don't need to bleed to express my pain, because my pain is expressed in Jesus' wounds. It may seem that my pain is lumped together with the pain of the rest of the world, but Jesus can see my individual pain, and that is what matters. Jesus died for me and rose to life, so I don't have to die to find relief from my pain. 

Your pain is never too much for Jesus to handle; he has already carried it. Healing is always possible. It may not come overnight, but it will come eventually. If you mess up, go to God, ask for forgiveness, and KEEP GOING. 

Jesus' blood is enough.

"But He was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed." Isaiah 53:5 

"But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds, declares the Lord." Jeremiah 30:17

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

"Then [Jesus] said to Thomas, 'Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.'" John 20:27


(If you have questions/comments, feel free to comment, e-mail or FB message me.) :)